Have you ever asked your child, “How are you?” only to be met with a blank stare or a simple, “I don’t know”? It can be frustrating when our attempts to connect with our children seem to fall flat.
Hi, my name is Alysha Menkis, a Child Therapist at Pivot Child Psychological Services, and I have heard countless times parent’s attempts to increase communication yielding these results.
But don’t give up! By making a few simple adjustments to your communication style, you can encourage deeper, more meaningful conversations.
Model the Behavior
The first tip is to model what you are looking for by offering your thoughts and feelings. For example, in the first few moments of the day or after school, disclose to the child how you feel.
“I am feeling sleepy this morning and hungry,” or “I am thinking a lot about a work project I have coming up.”
Then allow for some silence. Yes you may feel silly if you are met with nothing in return, however, it is not about you. It is about building emotional connection and awareness for
your child.
You can then offer them a chance to express their thoughts and emotions by asking, “what is happening in your brain?” or “you are moving slow, I wonder if you are feeling tired.”
Making observing statements takes out any perceived judgment and allows your child to respond with a simple “yes” or “no”, better than “I don’t know”. Then go from there, breathe in confidence, and take some risks.
Ask Open Ended Questions
Another tip I offer parents/guardians is to ask more open ended questions if you are trying to gain insight. This can look like “did anything make you laugh today?”, “what was something exciting that happened today?”, or “was there any part of the day that made you sad?”
If what you are trying is not working, mix it up and try something new. Worst case scenario is you get the same result as before and best case scenario, your child opens up more to you.
Remember, building deeper connections takes time and patience. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see immediate results. Keep trying different approaches and be persistent.
By incorporating these tips into your daily interactions, you can foster a more open and honest relationship with your child. The most important thing is to create a safe and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
And if you find that you need additional support, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with us today. We’re here to help.